Grace is a Gift for a Reason
(This gif is of Grace Jones, which is a different kind of grace, but I personally feel we all need more Grace Jones in our lives)
This week in WGC world, I have two more interviews (with people I think y'all are just gonna love), the release of our fourth episode with DeZell Lathon who is the founder of Deeply Rooted Pictures, and I have just started my senior year at Howard University. One could say it’s pretty busy.
And when it's busy one has to rely very heavily on discipline if they are to be consistent. I don’t want to be labeled as an inconsistent person. I find that people who are unreliable are people that I don’t want to be around, and subsequently, they are people I don’t want to be like. But what can you do when you don’t feel well and you’re still chasing discipline?
Last week was rather difficult for me. I had a hard time focusing on and doing things. I felt tired and wherever I thought about doing something for WGC it was like I had mentally touched a hot stove and my whole body jerked back. I’ve had problems with anxiety in the past, but this didn’t feel like the sort of anxious gnawing that disrupted my flow patterns before, and because it didn't feel so severe I made myself push through it.
I am feeling better this week, though there is some lingering malaise, however as I think about how I made myself work despite the spaghetti brain, I realize that I have fallen short of what I would want out of myself. I am not talking about work quotas. Yes, I didn’t do everything the way I wanted to last week, but those were not devastating errors. No, I failed to give myself grace last week.
If last week I was not myself, but instead a friend of mine, I would have told her/me to take a chill pill. I would have said that sometimes you need to be unproductive. Sitting with yourself and doing absolutely nothing is your right as a human being and it’s good to take time to do literally whatever you want. (I also probably would’ve sprinkled a little something about how this productivity-at-all-costs mindset is the insidious aftereffect of late capitalism which erases the distinction between worker and product, but that’s neither here nor there). The point is, I was not willing to extend the same love and understanding to myself as I would to another person.
This week I am trying to be more conscious of where and how I give myself grace, while also seeking balance with discipline. Considering its only one day, I haven’t gotten very far, but one thing I am doing is creating a schedule. Personally, I find highly detailed schedules stifling because I enjoy the freedom of goal-less time, so instead of blocking my day down to the T, I have, instead, separated my days into blocks of time. As of now, the Sunday through Friday is separated into "Me Time", 'WGC time', and 'school time'. I don’t plan to be very stringent in these blocks, but I hope that the general outline will help me better pace my time. As of now, this is the only way I have of allowing myself more grace during the week.
I know that it is an imperfect solution, but it’s the one I’ve got. As always I would love to hear your thoughts and methods of extending grace to yourself because I really have a wavering faith in this block calendar of mine. (Like for real, help a girl out).
Jade Madison Scott is the founder of WGC Productions.